How I Know My Baby Loves Me

When Scoops was a newborn, I heard more than a couple people tell me something to the effect of "You know she only loves you for your milk," or "It's not you, it's the milk." In fact, I was still occasionally hearing that a few months into her life. I laughed the comments off every time, or halfway agreed that she definitely loves the milk. But after a while I felt like a more appropriate response might have been, "Yeah, that may be true. On the other hand, go screw yourself." Because really now. Why would you say that to me?? What a stupid, useless thing to say to a new parent!

Here's the thing: I was going to look up some official, scientific, peer-reviewed studies proving that while babies do associate the mother or primary caretaker(s) with basic nutrition and survival, they also feel genuine affection for that person; but then I realized I didn't need to look up those studies. First of all, I have no idea whether studies like that even exist. Secondly, all evidence may articulate otherwise, that babies don't feel affection. But most importantly, it doesn't effing matter. What matters is that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my child loves me, and not just because I share my boobie juice with her.

As soon as she learned to reach, she started reaching for me. Now that she's good at it, she reaches for me frequently, not just with her arms, but with her eyes.

When I'm feeding her and take my gaze away for a bit, I'll often feel her stop suckling. When I look down, she's usually staring at me with her hand extended towards my face. As soon as I kiss the back of her hand, she smiles and goes back to eating. (She's been doing that since she was about 9 weeks old, no lie.)

Sometimes when I feed her, we stare into each others' eyes, and I actually see the love and affection she feels for me, radiating from her beautiful soul-windows.

When she's upset, I pick her up and she snuggles her head right into the crook of my neck and stops crying.

When she cries, she asks for me. I know, I know, she's only 5 months old, she doesn't know my name is "mama" and she's not actually asking for me when she cries "mama." Except that she is. Because she also technically doesn't love me, she loves my milk. But that's a lie, too.

I know it's a lie, because when I hold her close to me, and press her heart to mine, I feel her love. I feel the most amazing exchange of energy between us, unlike anything I've ever felt before. Other family members have actually said they've felt the same thing when they've held Scoops, but I'm positive no one feels it like I do. I'm also positive that if they feel it, and they told me so before I told them that I've felt it, then it must be real. No, it's not science, it's anecdotal. But I'm living this anecdote. This is my experience, and my experience is that my baby loves me, just as fiercely as I love her. So the next time some Jerkface McCynic tries to tell you your baby only cares about the fact that you sustain his or her life, feel free to respond however you see fit. But whatever you say or don't say to that person, know in your heart that your baby truly loves you. That's no lie.

 

What makes you certain your baby loves you? Have you heard people tell you your baby doesn't actually love you? How have you responded, or how would you respond? Share your stories in the comments!